mylife

fighting the unseen

wah...really very long time nv update blog liao...
tmr is chem practical...so can relax a bit..haha..lol
dunno why nowadays i seem to be so lack of courage...
yesterday night..i dunno why while i was studying a maths...i started crying...
it was really quite bad for me..cuz i didnt noe why i was crying and why i was down...
actually it happens b4 quite a few times..but this time i didnt expect myself to be down
cuz the past few days i have been walking closely with God,spending even more time with Him even though i was in the midst of prelims..i was so hyped up..
i thought of setting up a prayer meeting in my church youth ministry..i thought of improvising my church cell grp session...i thought of so many things...i guess one reason i was down is probably i was disappointed with myself...
even though i thot of so many wonderful things....in the end i did have the courage to do them..all week i have been thinking of doing them..but juz couldnt find the time to send emails..asking ppl to cum early on sunday to pray...but when it cums to sat when i had time to do..i did not have the courage to even click "send" but i deleted them away.yarh...u all muz be thinking i am so hum(4) rite...
i noe i really need to gather a few ppl to pray b4 the service..so bucking up my courage i asked my closest frends in church-2 of my cell grp members.cuz i knew that they will support me...but even knowing..i had to hesistate for 10 mins..
haha.the best is i have become high D in my church.can't imagine rite.a high I person can become high D.haha.but i had to.
i wrote encouraging letters to ppl but i dun feel like giving them..i dunno why...i was hit real bad yesterday..i was so disappointed in myself and i felt that i disappointed God alot and also i could hear a voice in my mind saying,"haha..you said you are close to God,you dun even have the courage to do his things.this shows that u are actually not close..look at you..you are such a prideful person with so many flaws.u r still the same as before u accepted Him.or even worse."...so i started crying and crying and crying.but i dun dare to close my eyes cuz i will see this (dunno how to describe) laughing at me..and then i was confused..i didnt noe whether it was the devil whu was talking or that was wad i was thinking.and i got confused...like always..
and i felt really tired...spiritually not physically...
i started listening to music...i juz choose one CD that i havent heard it for very long time before... and i came to this song..let me type out the lyrics..

Hide me now,under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hands
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
i will soar with you above them storms
Father,You are King over the floods
i will be still know you are God
i rest my soul, in Christ alone
know his power,in quietness and trust

yupp...then i recalled that time when i heard this song and got touched by Him..that time also happen to be one of my lowest times...but i was facing a lot of problems then...then i was thinking if God can lift me up from all my burdens and let me go closer to him...then now..i am not having any problems juz spiritually low..i m sure God will lift me up again..becuz God is always with me...and i was reading thru my spiritual journal...i saw a verse that i wrote last time.."God says,'Never will i leave you;never will i forsake you" i was quite comforted.then i prayed and prayed...haha..yupp...and i felt God was telling me that i juz need to trust Him,have faith in Him.wadeva i do will not let Him turn His face away from me.because He is such a FAITHFUL God.he sees our flaws but still loves us anyway.haha.yupp.look at how LOVING He is.no matter how many times we have break his heart but as long as we repent,He will welcome us with open arms.Praise the Lord man!

posted by HIS child @ 1:37 AM