mylife

directions in life

finally..SAT is over!haha.a long 3 hr 45 mins paper...i almost died of neck pains cuz the table was so low!!haha.after that went for lunch with david and his church frends(cuz we took SAT together) at plaza sing..saw quite a number of AC ppl..haha.dunno why.AC ppl are like everywhere in singapore.haha.then met up with dhanuj and joel..they took SAT too but at ACJC..and i heard alot of RJC ppl down there wearing their RJC shirt or even uniform.retarded la.who wld wear uniform to go sit for SAT.ahhaa.
anyhows...i have been thinking alot la..like directions in life and everything..i have been so lost at what i want to do..everyone ask me..what i want to do in uni..which uni to go..and i realise i cant give a definite ans..i really dunno what i want.i thought i always wanted business..but many ppl think im not suited for it..i guess under these opinions..my choice kinda waiver..i mean i know who i really am la.i know i can be firm and focus if i want to(i believe my comm members had a "privilege" to see that side of me) but most of the time im just looking blur.haha.cuz i believe in that way it makes me look friendlier and less intimidating =)
ah wells..i really dunno the direction in my life man..my life is pretty messed up now..though it is very routine..working life is a routine life.hahai guess that's becuz my christian walk is not as strong as before..sometimes im really impressed by how David can be so faithful in his quiet time...really.for that i really salute him..i believe i was so much more in love with God 2 years ago..i realise in my life..there are so many uncertainties..i dunno what i want to be..i dun even know which church i want to settle down in.so screwed rite..i hate this feeling of not being settled down.every day and i really mean every day..i have been thinking of this settling down thing..i really really want to find a church where i can settle down and devote my time and attention in the ministries there..in helping the church to grow.all i expect of a church is actually very simple..i must have someone(human not God.haha.of course God is with me wherever i go) there to walk this journey of faith with me..someone who i can share my christian problems with..someone to uphold me when im down..and secondly, the church must be strong and rooted in the word of God.thirdly,the worship must not be conservative and lastly, i want to find a church where i can serve in..especially in the worship ministry..yupp.im still searching..haha.
i have been very lukewarm in my christian faith..perhaps i have kinda blend into my church alr.got use to ppl not being serious abt being christians and thus slowly i realise i have become like one of them..perhaps i have even grown cynical and one day i might just not go to church anymore..rawr.such awful thoughts..
why cant i be who i use to be.who wld know of the pains hidden behind my smiles..only God knows i guess.hahaa
i miss my frends...those that i haven seen for a long time..ppl like janene,allen,carol,sarah,colleen,lydia,shuwen,some of the seniors and many other frends whom i usually talk to in AC..i miss AC man..but sometimes i wonder if they have missed me too..i guess perhaps not.haha.not everyone is as sentimental as me..and sometimes perhaps that's what hurts me the most..when i place an importance on someone but yet to that person,im not of importance at all..or perhaps lesser..i guess..thats when i feel sad.haha.my sentence is so fragmented!but heck la.SAT is over.haha.
anyway gtg sleep.yawns..

posted by HIS child @ 7:03 AM