mylife

i can feel that this year is gonna be a bad year for me..first day of the year(also first sun), i was on duty..and things din go right...then during chinese new year, i suddenly got mood swing and broke down in front of all my cousins,aunts n uncles..SO EMBARASSING OK..
and till now i still havent got over my depressin...
haiz..i found myself falling deeper into darkness and my conscience no longer prick when i do bad thing(eg.ponning lectures,tutorial n practicals)..i m totally beyond cure...it is no longer the i, i see in the mirror but someone foreign to me,someone cold and unlovely...ever though i may seem happy outside, i can fool the world but i cant fool my own heart..i noe no matter how i try to cover and supress my sadness, it will eventually surface..how long can a smile plastered on my face last long?--not long..how long can i pretend..again i can fool the world but not my heart..

todae, there is an urge in my heart,longing to be like a little girl and running into God's loving embrace...i long to be in His wide open arms, like a father hugging a daughter...i long to tell Him i m sorry and pouring out everything to Him..i long to forget the pain and the sorrow and be feel loved and happy once more..

but i noe all these are impossible.i cant get over it..i cannot suppress my feelings cuz i m a very e,otional person whu always base one feelings.how i wish i immediately right beside Him..Had He forotten me?Had He gave up on me?perhaps it is i myself that has gave up on myself..i duno wad is happening to me..i only noe the one i see is someone i duno and even fear of..who exactly m i? i had gotten myself somewhere i duno...i lost all security that i have..i feel vulnerable..i hate this feeling..

posted by HIS child @ 6:33 AM