mylife

juz me and God

oh well..where shall i start..i m juz so overwhelmed by things..
firstly..my sickness..haha.act my sickness is not really a sickness...to me being sick is like normal already ever since i came to AC..there was not a single day whereby i was healthier..maybe hvae..like 3 days or so..haha..went to see doctor the other day..cuz had severe headaches..thought was migraine..which kinda was..the doctor said i m suffering from normal working adult syndrome..stress..anxiety and lack of sleep..and my eyes have been strained alot..yar..so i need to rest my eyes more he said..

act without him telling me that i need more sleep,i also know i need more sleep..i have been sleeping 4 hrs every single day..and sometimes i m juz so tired that i fall asleep in class without even knowing..and yest i was sleeping while writing halfway and almost fell off the chair..haha..
but oh well.there are SO much things to do..sigh..never ending stuff..and never ending tiredness..i wonder when will all these end man..when can i finally have my full rest..sigh..
i m so tired..i cant even think much nowadays...and i cant seem to rmb stuff..

as for my spiritual life..this period is kinda my summer period..spring has juz passed..summer..when it is dry..so u figure it out..yar..but i have been holding on..and persevering..but sometimes when i do all the worship stuff..it feels kinda routine..and juz duty..which is not what i want.i want to serve because i really love Him not because of duty..sigh.and also i m struggling with my inner thoughts abt stuff..even though boss and joel have encourage me greatly abt my doubts and fears..but sometimes these thoughts juz come back again..and then even now it is worse..cuz i was toking to Marcus the other day abt subcomm stuff..and somehow we drifted to me leading chapel that day..i din how this topic came up..but yeah..it did...Marcus told me some stuff..which was very shocking to me..and i realise i ws very sheltered..in terms of criticism..u noe on that day itself after i led chapel.i din hear any criticism at all.everybody was juz commenting positively.but after what i heard from Marcus..i really wanna know all these..Sonia pls tell me..thanks..and sudd..for the rest of the day..i cldnt concentrate in class..cuz Marcus told me that He cldnt feel the presence of the Lord..and also very detach..kinda in lay man terms..i m not leading the congregation into worshipping the Lord, it was more of myself singing..i was kinda discouraged..its not his fault..i think he is such a darling for telling me all these so that now i know my weakness and stuff..and he was encouraging me too.but i felt inadequate.and because chapel is so impt..i dun want to be a stumbling block to anybody..i really really want the presence of the Lord in the place..and i dun want me myself to feel it..but i want the rest too..sigh..somehow i really think i cant lead worship..sigh..

i m so tired..juz came back from sch..was studying chem..came back home..things are still the same..not much change..everytime i go home..my headaches juz get worse..sigh..

but gone are the days whereby i cry everyday..i feel crying will only just drain my energy even more..and cause me to have a more painful headache..i guess God is really trying to tell me sth thru this..and act i kinda understand what He is trying to bring out to me..
it boils down to the time whereby everything else must fade away and only God will be there looking at me with HIs wide open arms..

posted by HIS child @ 7:47 AM