mylife

sigh

rawr! i dun feel like studying..so i shall blog abt stuff.haha.

MON(30th April)
chapel was good even though i sang out of tune many times.haha.the J2s were in front and for once i could hear the peole down there singing when im not.haha.and really wanna thank God for this chapel cuz yeah.it was quite last min due to my fault.but i was really touched by the chapel too.cuz when i heard the voices below.i felt we not only have the school spirit in cheering and orientation but we also have the school spirit in worshipping the Lord!=)

after school i was super tired..so i went CF room to sleep.i slept for a short while.then i was brought back to the scene of sat night.sat was really really horrible for me.i never felt so helpless or lonely in my entire life.within one day i was rejected abt 20 times and there were people who were just being harsh at me during my lowest moment.honestly i never cried so hard for the entire day..God was faithful though.He provided 3 people that i never thot i could relied on.really wanna thank Ben and Colleen.thanks for being so supportive and understanding=) and also Kester.haha.even though he kinda stressed me alot at first..but oh well..all went well.really thank God!=) but yeah..back to sat night..i never cried so hard for the entire day before..and my eyes were so pain that i couldnt sleep even though i was tired.then to make it worse..there were thunders and lightning.and my room were so dark.. i still rmb how i was so scared of dark when i was small..i never felt scared or what bcuz of thunders and lightning..but i was then..i prayed to God and i kept praying..for the loneliness and the helplessness to go away..but i felt God was looking at me from afar..i was asking Him to come nearer cuz i need Him..but He didnt..but in the end i still slept eventually.then yeah..yest i was brought back to the scene.and i realise i woke up crying.and the feeling was so real..i continued crying even when i was awake.even when there were like 3 of my comm members in my room..i still feel the same feeling.no one bothers to comfort me..no one bother to ask me what my nightmare was.i cried for like 15 mins..and i ran out of the room.then i cried in the toilet for like ages.until i felt my nose wasnt red anymore then i went out.haha.
and i saw janene on my way to the CF room.talked to her..and i started crying all over again in the VOID DECK!!! ahh.so embarrassing and ugly..haha.but heck care.hhaa.was very touched by some juniors..they wrote a kind of "letter" to me.ahha.
then went vivo with sarah! RIVER ISLAND got sales!! haha.then we had sushi under the moonlit sky.haah.in front of the harbour.it was quite nice.just that we kept getting interupted by DAVID WONG!!and he is super long winded can!!haha.but anyway it was quite funny.so sad i couldnt stay over=((

TODAY!(1st May)
woke up today and the first thing i hear is scolding from my mum.she scolded me for waking up so late(12pm) and how good my life is..and blah blah..then she started on this whole scolding abt minute stuff..i couldnt take it.why does she always have to scold me when im at home.my dad was smart not to be at home all the time.i know he chooses to go overseas working whenever he can.i would if i was him.cuz why stay at home when u dun have a wife who loves you.my dad have been so nice to my mum and to the family and yet my mum never really showed that she loves him.im so use to seeing them sleeping in separate rooms.i'm sure i wun be sad if they ever divorce.
i feel so rebellious today.i went out and went tiong bahru..i was walking ard randomly..feeling very sian..i dun even feel like studying..doesnt anyone know that this is my most crucial period moment..with so many things bringing me down..all i need is support..support from friends..support from family..i dun need preaching on how i should feel or wadsoever..cuz i know..i know..its not as though i dun trust God..its not as though im not having faith in Him..but i know that even as God is moulding me at this period of time..when He is making me stronger..all i really need is support.i cant go thru this alone.im glad that God has taught me so many things during this time..im glad He have made my faith go stronger..but i really hope that even as i go thru this tough time..there are frends who can support me..who can just listen to me.......

posted by HIS child @ 6:37 AM