cf camp
CF camp is over..time really really really flies...i cant believe its over.and it didnt even turn out wad i imagined it to be.haha.if i am given a chance.i wldnt want to end up in hospital.not in my entire life.but i guess God has another plan for me.oh wells...
during the camp..really got to know ppl better.which is good.but i think a 3 days-camp is too short la.haha.if only it was 4 days.haha
when i look back now..i can say that my comm has come thus far..really far...its really amazing how God works in each one's life.wow.
anyway to urm..: oh wells.all i can say is that i have tried my best to always look out for those in need and try to help them.but its really really hard to tell those who are really in need.cuz honestly EVERYONE is in need..and i can confess that this year i didnt really do alot alot of ministering except in terms of worship cuz my hands are tied down.u have no idea how overwhelmed i am by stuff..but i did take out time to listen to my friends..listen to their problems and give them advices..is that consider ministering?and wad do u mean by those who are appealing????
Passion AC
WHOOHOO!
THANK GOD for PassionAC man! now that its over..i cant believe how fast time flies!
haha.i kinda miss PassionAC..seeing all the ac ppl just worshipping God really touches my heart.=) God is just so awesome in the place la. His presence was definitely there. and even though there were so many last min changes like the sequence of programs and how i needed to cut my song list from 8 songs to 4 songs..haha.it will be one experience i will never forget man.
i wanna thank Daddy God for teaching me alot alot alot of stuff thru this event.
woah..the whole passion band and the whole passion adhoc has come thus far man..there were so many last min things that throw us off track.ahah..but God is really faithful and He really blessed this event cuz its His and for His glory alone!
though the 3 weeks before Passion were the most horrible weeks in my whole life..but i dun regret gg thru it.cuz God has brought me to a higher level! He has stirred up my passion and He taught me how to totally surrender my life to Him.i know that before i led worship, i surrendered everything i had in my life.i told God that if im gg to ask the ppl out there to surrender their lives to You, i myself have to first learn how to.and i did! amen man.haha
and now i can just sit at the bleaches and just adore His reverent glory and grace and mercy and love He has showered upon us..=)
btw to the person who is named "um" saying that my actions and words dont really reflect how a christian shd behave n react to stress..so by saying that are u judging me? i believe that we humans do have weaknesses and without all these trials and problems that causes the person to realise that one have nth and one is so imperfect tthat he can only need God to help him.and its only when one is broken..God can fully uses the person.of course i do know that i shld trust in the Lord and stop worrying.but being humans, i cant control myself.i can only let God do His work and mould me.it is a process for me to learn.and of course i will want to follow the bible as much as possible but the flesh is weak while the spirit is willing.i hope that u will stop judging abt how other ppl shld live and all...cuz its not in our place to judge and instead we shld encourage those who are struggling with sins to continue to persevere in the process of learning to overcome them.and ultimately it is God who helps them to overcome their problems=)
toughest pt of my life?
hmmm...i guess this period of time is the toughest and most horrible time of my life.i've never without fail..cry everyday for like 2 weeks. i wanted to give up just now..i wanted to be irresponsible and sudd drop whatever commitments i have.becuz i felt my comm took me for granted.i felt that i was so alone in my ministry and they failed to realise wad i have been faithfully doing all along..the mon chapels..the wed mon worships and the friday services..
but i couldnt.cuz i know i still love God..and im not doing all these for people to see.but God to see.and He alone knows my effort.ah wells..humans always fail for their flesh is weak but i thank God He reminded me this.He reminded me that im working for no one else but Him.sigh.i duno when all these problems will end.but i thank God that He has been teaching me alot though in the hard way all along..and i will continue to hold onto Him.
sigh
rawr! i dun feel like studying..so i shall blog abt stuff.haha.
MON(30th April)
chapel was good even though i sang out of tune many times.haha.the J2s were in front and for once i could hear the peole down there singing when im not.haha.and really wanna thank God for this chapel cuz yeah.it was quite last min due to my fault.but i was really touched by the chapel too.cuz when i heard the voices below.i felt we not only have the school spirit in cheering and orientation but we also have the school spirit in worshipping the Lord!=)
after school i was super tired..so i went CF room to sleep.i slept for a short while.then i was brought back to the scene of sat night.sat was really really horrible for me.i never felt so helpless or lonely in my entire life.within one day i was rejected abt 20 times and there were people who were just being harsh at me during my lowest moment.honestly i never cried so hard for the entire day..God was faithful though.He provided 3 people that i never thot i could relied on.really wanna thank Ben and Colleen.thanks for being so supportive and understanding=) and also Kester.haha.even though he kinda stressed me alot at first..but oh well..all went well.really thank God!=) but yeah..back to sat night..i never cried so hard for the entire day before..and my eyes were so pain that i couldnt sleep even though i was tired.then to make it worse..there were thunders and lightning.and my room were so dark.. i still rmb how i was so scared of dark when i was small..i never felt scared or what bcuz of thunders and lightning..but i was then..i prayed to God and i kept praying..for the loneliness and the helplessness to go away..but i felt God was looking at me from afar..i was asking Him to come nearer cuz i need Him..but He didnt..but in the end i still slept eventually.then yeah..yest i was brought back to the scene.and i realise i woke up crying.and the feeling was so real..i continued crying even when i was awake.even when there were like 3 of my comm members in my room..i still feel the same feeling.no one bothers to comfort me..no one bother to ask me what my nightmare was.i cried for like 15 mins..and i ran out of the room.then i cried in the toilet for like ages.until i felt my nose wasnt red anymore then i went out.haha.
and i saw janene on my way to the CF room.talked to her..and i started crying all over again in the VOID DECK!!! ahh.so embarrassing and ugly..haha.but heck care.hhaa.was very touched by some juniors..they wrote a kind of "letter" to me.ahha.
then went vivo with sarah! RIVER ISLAND got sales!! haha.then we had sushi under the moonlit sky.haah.in front of the harbour.it was quite nice.just that we kept getting interupted by DAVID WONG!!and he is super long winded can!!haha.but anyway it was quite funny.so sad i couldnt stay over=((
TODAY!(1st May)
woke up today and the first thing i hear is scolding from my mum.she scolded me for waking up so late(12pm) and how good my life is..and blah blah..then she started on this whole scolding abt minute stuff..i couldnt take it.why does she always have to scold me when im at home.my dad was smart not to be at home all the time.i know he chooses to go overseas working whenever he can.i would if i was him.cuz why stay at home when u dun have a wife who loves you.my dad have been so nice to my mum and to the family and yet my mum never really showed that she loves him.im so use to seeing them sleeping in separate rooms.i'm sure i wun be sad if they ever divorce.
i feel so rebellious today.i went out and went tiong bahru..i was walking ard randomly..feeling very sian..i dun even feel like studying..doesnt anyone know that this is my most crucial period moment..with so many things bringing me down..all i need is support..support from friends..support from family..i dun need preaching on how i should feel or wadsoever..cuz i know..i know..its not as though i dun trust God..its not as though im not having faith in Him..but i know that even as God is moulding me at this period of time..when He is making me stronger..all i really need is support.i cant go thru this alone.im glad that God has taught me so many things during this time..im glad He have made my faith go stronger..but i really hope that even as i go thru this tough time..there are frends who can support me..who can just listen to me.......
