Saturday, January 26, 2008

directions in life

finally..SAT is over!haha.a long 3 hr 45 mins paper...i almost died of neck pains cuz the table was so low!!haha.after that went for lunch with david and his church frends(cuz we took SAT together) at plaza sing..saw quite a number of AC ppl..haha.dunno why.AC ppl are like everywhere in singapore.haha.then met up with dhanuj and joel..they took SAT too but at ACJC..and i heard alot of RJC ppl down there wearing their RJC shirt or even uniform.retarded la.who wld wear uniform to go sit for SAT.ahhaa.
anyhows...i have been thinking alot directions in life and everything..i have been so lost at what i want to do..everyone ask me..what i want to do in uni..which uni to go..and i realise i cant give a definite ans..i really dunno what i want.i thought i always wanted business..but many ppl think im not suited for it..i guess under these choice kinda waiver..i mean i know who i really am la.i know i can be firm and focus if i want to(i believe my comm members had a "privilege" to see that side of me) but most of the time im just looking blur.haha.cuz i believe in that way it makes me look friendlier and less intimidating =)
ah wells..i really dunno the direction in my life life is pretty messed up now..though it is very routine..working life is a routine life.hahai guess that's becuz my christian walk is not as strong as before..sometimes im really impressed by how David can be so faithful in his quiet time...really.for that i really salute him..i believe i was so much more in love with God 2 years ago..i realise in my life..there are so many uncertainties..i dunno what i want to be..i dun even know which church i want to settle down screwed rite..i hate this feeling of not being settled down.every day and i really mean every day..i have been thinking of this settling down thing..i really really want to find a church where i can settle down and devote my time and attention in the ministries helping the church to grow.all i expect of a church is actually very simple..i must have someone(human not God.haha.of course God is with me wherever i go) there to walk this journey of faith with me..someone who i can share my christian problems with..someone to uphold me when im down..and secondly, the church must be strong and rooted in the word of God.thirdly,the worship must not be conservative and lastly, i want to find a church where i can serve in..especially in the worship still searching..haha.
i have been very lukewarm in my christian faith..perhaps i have kinda blend into my church use to ppl not being serious abt being christians and thus slowly i realise i have become like one of them..perhaps i have even grown cynical and one day i might just not go to church anymore..rawr.such awful thoughts..
why cant i be who i use to be.who wld know of the pains hidden behind my smiles..only God knows i guess.hahaa
i miss my frends...those that i haven seen for a long time..ppl like janene,allen,carol,sarah,colleen,lydia,shuwen,some of the seniors and many other frends whom i usually talk to in AC..i miss AC man..but sometimes i wonder if they have missed me too..i guess perhaps not.haha.not everyone is as sentimental as me..and sometimes perhaps that's what hurts me the most..when i place an importance on someone but yet to that person,im not of importance at all..or perhaps lesser..i guess..thats when i feel sentence is so fragmented!but heck la.SAT is over.haha.
anyway gtg sleep.yawns..

Friday, January 11, 2008

AC went back to school..for the first it feels different.cuz im already J3..but as i walked in..memories of the 2 years in AC started coming back..i rmb the tears, time and sweat given to the school..but i also rmb the invaluable experiences i got out of it..went to cf welcome tea..seeing all the juniors improving in so many areas made me really happy..sigh..2 years really has passed so quickly..i wish time wld stop..but then that will be very selfish of me cuz there are so many future generations that will learn so much out of these 2 years...

Sunday, January 06, 2008


went church today!!haha.finally not at home.ahha
this injury did taught me a few things...someone once ask me..what do i gain out of this..honestly..there was really nth to gain out of this..i didnt manage to crash orientation..i cant go for my malaysia feeling itchy around my wounds but i cant scratch them cuz WILL HAVE SCAR!rawr.haha.i cant move abt too..sighh..
but i realise sth..i have seen God's grace thru this eyes could have got hurt..but it wound was just below my eyes.and i had like scratches ard my eye area.but my eyes were not hurt AT cool is that.
but this period of time..i dunno why..i feel lonely..i dunno.even though i had frends to visit during my stay in the hospital..there's just this loneliness la.esp at night.yeah.but special thanks to pearleen who everyday!i was really touched!!and joel who came twice and accompanied me for quite a while.yupp..
anyway im healing fast=) i hope there is no scar..haha.esp on my face!haha
and im so bored at home..but good in a sense la.makes me think alot.yeah.there are decisions to be made..the ultimate question that bothers me half the stay or not to stay..i really really dunno why even though i have stayed there for like 10 over years..i am still unable to find really close frends in really close.many of frends said that even though they only know me for like a short period of seems as though they have known me for ages..and that's cuz im friendly(i would like to think so.but u can beg to differ.ahha) why..why do the ppl i have known for like at least 10 years feels as though i have just known it me?am i not opening up?why am i so different in church compared to being in school...this question i have asked myself a dozen times..but yet..i find no ans..
i know i cant go back EL.things have feels weird there..and i cant imagine myself always hanging out with guys..haha.i can understand the feelings pearl must have felt..not that the guys are not fun to be with..but they are after all in their own world.ahaahah
should i still be church searching?i dunno.this is a question i really dunno.haha

Saturday, January 05, 2008


wooohooo...1hour after countdown..i had an accident..super cool right..haha.i also say.spent my ENTIRE new year in the hospital la..and plus i had to stay there for 3 nights..HORRIBLE =(
then because of this accident..i had to forgo my malaysia trip which i was so looking forward to..and also this year's orientation la..sighh.but most of all..i feel quite bad cuz i made my parents so worried..sighh.
oh wells..this was wad happened..after countdown at ewen's house..we went cycling at kent ridge park there..there was a steep and long slope la..halfway thru..the right brake wire went into the front wheel and thus i couldnt control it..and i had a few seconds to decide wad to the end i think i decided to fly out of my bike.hahah.and landed on the road...and the next thing i know was PAIN.i didnt even dare to move till jonathan came to pull me up la.i was SO a shocked state.i felt super tired la.then ewen drove me to NUH..and i waited there for 5 hours!!!and it was like at the ACCIDENT & EMERGENCY place..oh my gosh..there were a few guys who accompanied me..really wanna thank them..i think got ewen..ivan..jonathan and milton..yeah..felt quite bad..cuz they were all so tired.and if not for my fall..they would have been cycling all night..shouldnt have agreed to go with them..but oh wells..
then got admitted cuz the doctor say from the X cheekbone might have fractured into 3 parts!!how did he see 3 parts i have no idea!cuz in the end..there was no fracture.THANK GOD.maybe a miracle took place.haha.yupp.
then ppl came to visit me..thank God they came..if not i will be bored to i wanna thank those who came.i shall list the names to show i rmbed.
to isaac,joel,ewen,jonathan,milton,clement,hong gniap,pearleen,samuel,
pastor andrew,gareth,florence,sonia,david,rachel,
huimin,huiting,xiao mei,josiah,junpei,serene,ps siow hwee,joshua,allen,allex,uncle daniel,celeste,ivan,jasmine,jaytee,caleb,wenhua,debbie,jiajun,myron,
ephraim,michael,clement,yeow,felicia, jack,mdm sophia,mrs lye,miss mai,
miss josephine leong,dhanuj,bronson,rachel,
desiree,wanru,michelle,amaria,carol,janene and calvin.
i hope i didnt miss out any names.dun think i did.haha.with my superb memory.haha.and those who didnt came to see me..u guys are no longer my frends..HAHA.KIDDING.i know u guys are busy la.yupyup.thanks for the smses though..=)